Welcome back to “Dear Kringle,” where peppermint problems are unwrapped with care and humor. From shelf-side spats to confectionary conundrums, our resident advice-giver, Kringle, is here with a wink and a warm mug of cocoa. Have a dilemma? Send your letter to kringle@tinselpost.com or drop it off at The Tinsel Post mailbox near the ice rink. (Yes, the one with gumdrops glued to it.)
Dear Kringle,
I’ve been trying to train a snow squirrel to deliver mail, but he keeps stealing the letters and hiding them in the whipped cream reserve. Is this a lost cause?
— Frostbitten & Frustrated
Dear Frostbitten,
First of all, bold of you to assume a snow squirrel can be tamed. They’ve got more chaos in them than a glitter cannon in a wind tunnel. Try redirecting his talents — maybe as a courier for things he already hoards, like gumdrops. Just don’t expect punctuality… or logic.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
The marshmallow sculpting team left their inventory near the fireplace again, and now we have a goo puddle that vaguely resembles Rudolph. Should I report it or frame it as abstract art?
— Melted but Motivated
Dear Melted,
It’s not a mess, it’s a *molten masterpiece*. Add a plaque, call it “The Essence of Reindeer,” and submit it to the North Pole Arts & Cocoa Council. Just maybe relocate future sculptures away from open flames… or Grumbles the heat-hogging elf.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I got a sunburn during Christmas in July beach ball tryouts and now the reindeer are calling me “Cherry Cheeks.” How do I regain my dignity?
— Bright-Red & Regretful
Dear Bright-Red,
Wear it proudly — you’re basically a walking holiday ornament. Laughter fades, but nicknames stick. Lean in. Toss on a wreath necklace and say it’s your summer aesthetic. Bonus: peppermint aloe gel is a miracle worker.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I was caught napping in a gift box during break time. Now they call me “Snoozebox.” Is that unprofessional, or am I starting a new elf trend?
— Cozy & Boxed In
Dear Cozy,
Honestly? Genius. Rest, recovery, and repurposing — all in one. Start branding it. Market the concept as “Gift Nap Pods™.” North Pole wellness culture could use a shake-up. Just make sure you aren’t packed and shipped by mistake.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I offered a coworker the last sprinkle donut, but they took it and now I regret my generosity. Am I a bad elf for being secretly mad?
— Sprinkled with Spite
Dear Sprinkled,
Not at all. It’s the North Pole — kindness and petty internal grumbling can coexist like cocoa and whipped cream. Next time, offer it with a smile… while sneakily hiding an emergency donut under your hat. Elf wisdom: always keep a backup treat.
— Kringle
