Welcome back to “Dear Kringle,” — your weekly sleigh ride through the emotional snowbanks of North Pole life. Whether you’re battling ribbon-related stress or struggling with candy cane diplomacy, our resident advice elf Kringle is here with warmth, wit, and winter wisdom.
Want to be featured? Send your letter by peppermint pigeon or email kringle@tinselpost.com.
Dear Kringle,
I’m in charge of the Polar Puff Pastries this summer, and every time I make a batch, Jingle says they’re “too floofy.” I think he’s just jealous. What should I do?
— Floofed and Frustrated
Dear Floofed,
“Too floofy” is what we call high praise in elf dialect. Translation: you’ve peaked in pastry. Bake on, baker! If Jingle grumbles again, serve him a gluten-free glitter tart and call it peace pie.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I’m secretly afraid of snowflakes. Not snow, just flakes. They’re too… pointy and unpredictable.
— Flake-Fearing Friend
Dear Flake-Fearing,
Your honesty just snowballed into bravery! You’re not alone — flake-a-phobia is more common than you think. Try wearing mittens with a fun lining, focus on their symmetry, and remember: no two are alike… just like us.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
My elf roommate keeps leaving glitter in the sink. I’ve politely asked, but now my toothbrush sparkles. What do I do?!
— Too Much Twinkle
Dear Too Much Twinkle,
Ah yes, domestic glitter disputes. The true test of shelfmate solidarity. Sit them down, wear serious spectacles, and show them your toothbrush. If the glitter persists, implement a sparkle zone with designated drains. Or switch to peppermint floss and lean in.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I’ve had a crush on the same elf for 73 years. Every time I try to speak to them, I drop a marshmallow or say “merry birthday.” Is love just not in the candy cards for me?
— Crushed at the Cocoa Cart
Dear Crushed,
First of all, “merry birthday” is a delightful greeting and should absolutely be adopted. Second, 73 years is dedication! Try writing them a scroll with a candy gram. Or better yet — offer a marshmallow and say, “I drop one every time I see you.” Then wink. Trust me.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
My sleigh partner sings off-key… loudly. I’m losing my jingle joy. How do I tell them nicely without ruining their Christmas spirit?
— Tone-Tossed on Team Blitzen
Dear Tone-Tossed,
Consider harmony the key here. Suggest a “silent sleigh” meditation ride for team bonding — a peaceful activity masked as performance support. Or tell them you’re practicing your inner ear listening skills. Either way, keep jingling. Even off-key notes can be part of the chorus.
— Kringle
