Dear Tinsel Post Readers,
Let it be known: the North Pole may specialize in December 25th, but come July 4th, we throw a celebration so sparkly, even the fireworks blush.
Now, I know what you’re thinking — “Jingle, isn’t Independence Day more of a ‘down south’ sort of holiday?” Sure, we’re a few degrees north (okay, a lot), but elves are nothing if not festive opportunists. If there’s a reason to string up bunting and launch things into the sky that go POP in peppermint red, we are in.
🎆 This morning, I personally oversaw the construction of our glitter-cannon pyramid. (The interns got a little overzealous and accidentally glittered a reindeer… he’s fine. Sparkly, but fine.) Pip N. Twinkleberry whipped up star-spangled ice cream sandwiches, Buttons McSprightly organized a “Freedom From Naughty” parade, and someone taught the choir to sing the North Polian remix of “Yankee Doodle Dandy.” It includes kazoo solos. It’s glorious.
🎇 And tonight, right as the last sliver of sun kisses the cocoa hills, we light up the Aurora Fireworks. They’re biodegradable, candy-scented, and engineered by the same elf who made the SleighNav 360. If one of them accidentally forms a glowing snowman holding an eagle flag? Totally planned.
Why do we do it? Because joy isn’t bound by borders. Because celebrating kindness, creativity, and courage is always in season. And because sometimes, even Santa’s Village needs an excuse to break out the star-spangled marshmallow hats.
So to our human friends below: Happy Fourth. We see your sparklers. We raise you firework-powered confetti blizzards.
And to my fellow elves: Keep your cocoa chilled, your flag poles polished, and your kazoo reeds soaked. This is what summer sparkle looks like.
Patriotically pepperminted,
Jingle P. Peppermint
Editor-in-Chief
The Tinsel Post
P.S. If you hear a rumbling in the distance, it’s not thunder. It’s Blitzen and Comet trying to outdo each other in the annual Hot Dog Launch-Off. Aim for the sleigh hangar, boys.
