Welcome back to “Dear Kringle,” where elf-sized problems meet big-hearted advice. Whether it’s midsummer mayhem or Christmas in July crises, Kringle’s mailbox is never empty — and neither is her peppermint tea. Got a shelf-side situation? Email kringle@tinselpost.com or slide a note under the marshmallow mat at The Tinsel Post HQ.
Dear Kringle,
I accidentally swapped my sunscreen with glitter glue and now my arms sparkle like the Northern Lights. I’m dazzling but sticky. Help?
— Shiny & Slightly Sealed
Dear Shiny,
First, fabulous. Second, try a lukewarm marshmallow soak — it breaks down glitter polymers and doubles as a spa treatment. Embrace your glow! But do label your bottles next time… and maybe pitch the trend to Santa’s glam squad.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
My bunkmate keeps humming “Jingle Bells” at 3 a.m. in her sleep. It’s sweet… for the first 300 choruses. Should I wake her or join the choir?
— Sleepless in Sleigh Row
Dear Sleepless,
If you can’t jingle ‘em, beatbox with ‘em. Try soft earplugs or redirecting the melody by playing “Silent Night” on a loop nearby. If that fails, host a midnight carol-off and tire her out. Elves love a sing-off.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I tried to make my own Christmas in July beachwear — think candy cane swim trunks. Now half the toy team wants a pair. Do I start an Etsy shop or run?
— Striped & Stressed
Dear Striped,
Congratulations! You’ve unintentionally launched a fashion movement. Lean in! Call it “YuleTide Chic™.” Start small — take preorders, enlist a sewing elf or two, and prepare for a tinsel tsunami of demand. Fame is sticky, but fun.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
My sleigh-mate won’t stop monologuing about pinecones. Not using them. Not decorating with them. Just… discussing them at length. How do I make it stop?
— Pine’d & Perplexed
Dear Pine’d,
Ah, the Pine Philosopher. Next time they begin, interrupt with “What about spruce?” and watch their brain reboot. Or counter with exaggerated acorn theories. If all else fails, gift them a pinecone journal. Redirect the energy — you’ll thank me.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I’ve developed a summer crush on one of the Peppermint Patrol cadets. But every time I try to talk, I get candy-cane tongue. Any advice for flirting when you’re frosty?
— Crushed by Crush
Dear Crushed,
Adorable. Candy-cane tongue is a common affliction. Try leading with humor — maybe “Hey, if I faint it’s because you’re too minty to handle.” If they giggle, you’re in. If not, well… sleigh another day! Either way, be your sparkly self.
— Kringle
