We’re jingling out of July with another cozy batch of elf-sized dilemmas and peppermint-packed wisdom! “Dear Kringle” is the column where North Pole hearts come to vent, wonder, and occasionally overshare. Have a festive frustration or shelf-side snafu? Send your letters to kringle@tinselpost.com or sleigh-mail your thoughts to The Tinsel Post headquarters.
Dear Kringle,
I’ve been promoted to “First Assistant Cocoa Frother,” but the machine scares me. It hissed at me yesterday. Should I froth through the fear?
— Steamed & Startled
Dear Steamed,
Fear is natural — especially when it comes to sentient appliances. Name the machine something non-threatening (I suggest “Bubbles”) and wear oven mitts for courage. Remember, you’re not just frothing cocoa, you’re frothing morale. You got this — even if Bubbles doesn’t.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
My shelf partner, Skippy, started doing interpretive dance during observation shifts. It’s distracting and weirdly moving. Do I tell him to stop or join in?
— Frozen in Second Position
Dear Frozen,
Interpretive dance is a sacred North Pole art form. If Skippy’s expressing his inner jingle, maybe join him — shelf choreography could become the next trend. But if he’s blocking a view of mischief, redirect his rhythm to backstage. Harmony matters.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I made a batch of Christmas in July cookies with frozen eggnog and glow-in-the-dark sprinkles. Now my eyebrows sparkle. Is this normal?
— Illuminated & Concerned
Dear Illuminated,
Sparkly eyebrows are practically a badge of honor this time of year. You’ve invented “Festive Radiance™.” As long as your cookies don’t hum or hover, you’re good. Maybe wear shades indoors — both for style and public safety.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
Is it bad that I keep recycling last year’s glitter letters from Santa to hang on my wall? They just make me feel warm and validated.
— Sentimentally Snowed-In
Dear Sentimental,
Not bad at all — glitter letters are emotional insulation. Keep them! Frame them! Bedazzle them with rhinestones! But also write yourself one this year. You deserve a fresh dose of sparkle-laced encouragement.
— Kringle
Dear Kringle,
I caught my roommate using the wrapping paper closet as a meditation chamber. I want to be supportive, but I also need it to, you know, wrap things.
— Zen But Ziptied
Dear Zen,
The wrapping closet is sacred space — for both serenity and Santa’s schedule. Offer your roommate a roll of parchment and direct them to the Snowflake Quiet Zone. You can’t fold peace, but you can negotiate storage.
— Kringle
