The Illumination Division swore it would be simple: polish a few enchanted pumpkins to create renewable light sources for Halloween displays. What they failed to mention was that the gourds might develop opinions.
Last Thursday, during final enchantment calibration, a misaligned luminary charm rebounded through the polishing bay — infusing an entire crate of test pumpkins with unintentional consciousness. Within minutes, the Workshop floor was aglow with laughter, literal glow, and several dozen mobile, giggling jack-o’-lanterns.
“We asked for energy efficiency, not existential pumpkins!” — Lead Technician Myrtle Flarewick
🧹 Incident Timeline
09:14 The first pumpkin blinks.
09:16 The second pumpkin introduces itself as “Greg.”
09:20 Thirty-two additional pumpkins roll down Corridor 4B chanting “Light us if you dare.”
09:25 Workshop alarms trigger; Security Sprites deploy glow-dampening glitter.
09:37 Situation contained (mostly). Several pumpkins escape to Reindeer Staging and register as emotional-support lanterns.
⚠️ Aftermath & Safety Review
No elves were injured, though morale is reported as “bright and slightly bewildered.” The Illumination Division has suspended further “luminary personality trials” pending review by the Workshop Safety Council.
“In retrospect, perhaps polishing charms and sentience spells should never share a lunch break,” said Foreman Crispin Glintwhistle, sweeping up a trail of glowing pumpkin seeds.
Workshop maintenance crews have implemented nightly checks for stray giggles and unaccounted candlelight.
📊 Safety Spells Risk Graph
Top five safety spells to double-check during Halloween week. Values represent relative risk according to the Workshop Safety Council.
| Spell | Risk |
|---|---|
| Containment Charms | 9 |
| Glow Regulation Runes | 8 |
| Reflection Barriers | 7 |
| Cocoa Conductivity | 6 |
| De-Giggle Protocol | 5 |
✨ Final Notes from the Floor
As of publication, 23 pumpkins have been successfully de-enchanted, four have been rehired as seasonal lanterns, and one continues to file daily complaints about “dim working conditions.” The Workshop has upgraded autumn enchantment procedures and, according to insiders, “tripled the cocoa budget for emotional recovery.”
In the end, the Pumpkin Polishing Incident will go down as another proud chapter in Workshop lore — a reminder that innovation is best served with caution, and perhaps a cinnamon-scented fire extinguisher.
