Dear Tinsel Post Readers,
Ah, July. That magical time of year when the snow glistens, the cocoa flows… and the TinselMart freezer section becomes a war zone.
Let me explain.
This week, I made the courageous decision to visit our local supply store to restock on red ink (for editorial emergencies) and mini marshmallows (for morale). I expected a quiet errand. I expected civility.
What I got was a full-scale meltdown — literal and figurative.
Apparently, the Freezer Gnomes scheduled routine defrosting for the exact moment I arrived. By the time I reached aisle twelve, there were puddles, panic, and popsicles staging a prison break. I slipped on a rogue snow pea, landed in a stack of nutmeg-scented bath bombs, and was briefly mistaken for an experimental stress relief product.
Meanwhile, TinselMart shoppers were locked in a full-on turf war over the last chilled carton of reindeer eggnog (yes, we stock it year-round — don’t judge).
In the chaos, someone shouted, “THERE’S ONLY ONE FUDGE BUNNY LEFT!” and all I remember after that is being carried to safety by a surprisingly strong elf from Inventory.
This is not the summer I envisioned.
And yet… as I sit here with an ice pack and a candy cane latte, I realize: the North Pole may be a frozen wonderland, but in July, we’re just as susceptible to seasonal stress, unexpected swelter, and competitive dairy-based panic as the rest of the world.
Let this be a reminder to pace yourselves, friends. Wear non-slip boots. Shop early. And never, under any circumstances, yell “fudge bunny” in a crowded store unless you’re prepared to face the consequences.
With peppermint-scented bandages,
Jingle P. Peppermint
Editor-in-Chief
The Tinsel Post
P.S. To the kind elf who returned my left boot and editorial dignity, I owe you a snow cone.
