Dear Tinsel Post Readers,
Sometimes I wonder if I’m cursed.
It started innocently enough: Santa’s Summer Safety Initiative launched this week, and the annual chimney inspections kicked off across the Pole. Seems logical, right? Nothing says July like crawling into soot-filled flues to make sure they’re “reindeer-landing compliant.”
Well, guess who got voluntold to cover the story firsthand? That’s right. Yours truly. Because apparently, when you’re the Editor-in-Chief, no job is too messy for “journalistic integrity.” (Or maybe someone still holds a grudge about the marshmallow microwave incident of ‘22. Hard to say.)
Armed with a flashlight, helmet, and a vague sense of optimism, I followed Head Chimney Inspector Snortles McSoot into the first test site: Mrs. Sugarplum’s Seasonal Sweets Cottage.
Everything was going fine… until it wasn’t.
Turns out, Mrs. Sugarplum stores her backup gingerbread batter in the chimney. Snortles didn’t notice until it was too late, and suddenly I’m halfway down a chute, elbow-deep in cinnamon sludge, and shouting, “I THOUGHT THIS WAS A FIRE HAZARD, NOT A BAKERY.”
Long story short, I’m banned from chimneys for the rest of the season, the Post’s camera elf is still laughing, and I may have started a trend for molasses facials (unintentional, but surprisingly exfoliating).
Lesson learned? Always knock before entering a chimney. And never underestimate how serious North Pole residents are about chimney aesthetics. One elf cried when Snortles found a loose brick. “It’s decorative!” she wailed. “A rustic accent!”
Honestly, I kind of respect it.
Until next time, keep your chimneys clean and your exits gingerbread-free.
Soot-streaked but still stylish,
Jingle P. Peppermint
Editor-in-Chief
The Tinsel Post
P.S. If you smell cookies coming from your fireplace… run.
